Season of Gratitude

So, I am sure most people have given up on my blog since I pretty much stopped writing in it upon return from Colombia. I am seeing something go around though and I have been inspired to participate. I want to spend this season writing about things for which I am grateful.

Today, I am grateful that God brought me into recovery programs. I had been living my life as a reaction to my fear and pain. And each day, I am learning to face my fears and take responsibility for all of my actions. I feel more centered and grounded than I ever have in my life, and I am excited to see what the Lord has for me once I am out of "the desert".

Still Alive!

My life changes every 37.2 seconds. Not by my choice, mind you. If God left things up to me, we would all stay the same, all the time (unless, of course, I had an agenda to change YOU to make me more comfortable). It would seem, however, that God is not looking for a personal assistant (I offered! "I am qualified!! I have IDEAS!!" and He politely declined), so things keep a'changin.

So what the heck has been going on with me the last 7 months?
I moved. Three times. And I am on the brink of another transition as my beloved roommate is sadly moving to California. (I could be wrong, but I am beginning to suspect that there is some kind of lesson that I am not learning...) So that has not been fun in terms of stability, but I have gotten to live with some really great people, which was a huge blessing.

I am still working at my church in the outreach department, which is also a huge blessing. I do not believe that it was at all coincidence that God placed me in this position. He totally opened the door there. It has not always been an easy process for different difficulties beyond anyone's control, but even in that, I am learning that God is faithful and He is good.

And because God LOVES me, He opened the door for me to teach at GED class to English learners in the spring. That was a new experience, but I loved it! I loved my students (all latinos!!).

"So, Desteni, how are you?" (head slightly tilted to the right).

I have been in a wonderful process. Has it been easy? About as easy as brain surgery in a row boat. It has been so hard and so uncomfortable, but sooo good. Tackling my issue with codependency is seriously revolutionizing my life. I am learning to change behavior/thoughts that are damaging to myself. I am learning that I have CHOICES. I am learning to own and deal with my own feelings, while requiring that others deal with theirs (I always felt responsible for everyone's feelings and needed to make everyone feel good). I am learning to be NICE to myself. (I would probably be in jail if I treated others the way I treated myself, in terms of expections, perfection, brutality over mistakes, etc). So it has been good. I still have a long way to go, but I am encouraged. I am hopeful that God is leading me to a glorious destiny.

"So, Desteni, are you going to go back?"
You know, I still am not putting pressure on myself to make that decision. I have a lot of resentment to work through still that would keep me from being objective at this point. I do know that my perceptions of what happened were/are distorted because of my codependence. I do know that I love Colombia. I miss it like crazy. I feel most alive when I am serving in missions. I am still passionate about the work there. We will see. I believe 100% that when it is time to make a decision that God will guide me and I will have peace. He's good like that ;)

What is immediately on my plate? I am going to lead a weekend trip to Agua Prieta, Mexico to serve at an orphanage. I went in February and it was great! There are so really awesome kids there.

Stay tuned for pictures...